Reuben A

Firstly, I don't think you need action this early in the story.'Vines climbed the walls adding to its beauty, and candles flickered in the windows, giving it an enchanting effect.' ...

Firstly how does Charlotte feel throughout this piece? Isn't she scared when the...people carry her away from where she is staying? 'The person who is presumably Alice...' 'The woman, presumably ...

'Felon was a small village in the middle of New.k a large continent. Even though Felon is surrounded by other cities and towns Felon was almost completely isolated from the ...

Hi. Me agian. 'griound' ground.'I went to sleep on my old bed and pulled my new sheets on myself. The sword rested just besides me. I woke up to the ...

'The gnome turned at me' Not at, to.'as I pull my hand out I...' Pulled. 'As we stepped in the candles flared into flames, in a magic like manner' leave ...

'“What, what must I see??” “Tell me!!” I shouted in sudden anger.' Your character has sudden mood swings! I think all you should do here is to describe the troll ...

I enjoy this story very much so far. There is scarcely anything I think you should change. For one, 'He (or it) looked at me with a cold gaze witch ...

It's an interesting beginning. 'Ilith followed him smiling all the time. Almost running beside the thief trying to keep up with the big step of Fellow. He was happy… Fellow ...

Very good...how did Caolyn know that the old woman wanted to buy the looking glass?t 'She sang an old song of the Faeries as she headed for the oldest trees.' ...

MeghnaK Great so far. what's the main character's name? How did she 'journey' from the bed to the sky? Did she lie down, close her eyes, and then suddenly she ...

wizkid515 I think that, firstly, I don't really know anything of James, if you could just tell us a bit more about him. Secondly, something that I always do, is ...

Hi flytodreams, I'm Reuben A from South Africa (At the most Southern point of Africa if you didn't know. he he.). I think that the prologue to your story is ...